Fear and Excitement

Georgia:
I think, trying to think of an experience, when I am scared of something, it really isn’t clear what’s in my head, or at least not now. It’s still very much something I’m still practicing a lot, and learning to talk to myself better. For me, when I’m met with fear, there’s always two voices in my head. One that’s trying to stop me, or trying to save me, in a way. And then the other one that knows better, that knows whether I’m really capable or not. I always find it hard to distinguish the two sometimes.

Georgia:
So coming from a place of still not very high confidence in myself, I second guess myself a lot. So I may go, “Ah, okay, I’m scared of this. I’m scared of this.” Some days I will know in myself, “Ah, I know I’m scared of this, but I can do this. I can manage this.” And I’ll think of experiences. Other days, I cannot remember another experience that’s the same. And that’s when those around me come in as well.

Georgia:
And especially, this is something that Kasturi and Yao helped me a lot with, is that the self-doubt that you hear in your head is so realistic sometimes it could be like anything from, “It’s raining right now, I can’t do this,” or, “That is definitely not in my grasp.” But perception is such a powerful thing that sometimes you really can’t get out of your head, you can’t see that it is something that you’re capable of, and it becomes a reality.

Georgia:
I think that’s when having those around you who know you, who know what you’re capable of, and have the courage to tell you that comes in a lot. If I didn’t have the people I have around me to help me with this second guessing, it’d be a much longer process for me. So I also have to thank that part of the process, those around me, because that offers me almost a mirror to myself to go, “Ah, I’m doing this right now. I’m self-sabotaging right now.”

Georgia:
But generally for me, it helps to take myself away from the emotions that come up, so again this anxiety, my hands sweat when I’m nervous, all these kind of things happen. Yeah. So to take myself out of that and to just see it as a body moving with the environment, especially if it’s a jump that I know the very first moment that you step to the challenge or whatever it is, is a really important moment because it almost tells you, okay, whether this is something you want, or you don’t want, is this something that you can do or you can’t do, and these questions all come in that tiny little moment.

Craig:
It’s something subconscious that sorts that out real quick, and it brings like, “Hay, can we … Oh, we’ve already decided. The decision has already been made.”

Georgia:
Exactly. So you get this kind of mixture. And a lot of the time, when it is something that I especially want to overcome, you get this mixture of fear and excitement. So sometimes, I start going, “Whoo, whoo,” because really it’s there, I want that, and then I’m also scared, like there’s this kind of, “Can I do this? Oh, but I really want to, I think I can.” It’s almost like the sight of it becomes blurred with those thoughts because I’ve been … sometimes can’t even tell if that’s something in my capability or not, and then you make the decision.