I think about that all the time. My notion of time is quite different to other people’s I would say. I’ve experienced a lot of departures from my life and kind of ones that have happened very abruptly. So as a result of that I try to … Not I try to. I just do have an underlying kind of notion that there is no tomorrow and so you must do everything that you need to in the moment. Make no presumptions about the fact that tomorrow will be or that there is another day, another day, another day. You just don’t know.
At the risk of interrupting you, I noticed that you said, do everything that you need to do as opposed to everything that you can do. And I think that’s a very important distinction. And I don’t know how intentionally you’re choosing your words, but I think most people would say that they need to do everything that they can do today if they’re going to hold that mindset of uncertainty and I think that’s a very … Enlightened is not quite the word. But I think it’s a very wise observation on your part to say, I’m choosing to do the things that I need to do for me. And because you and I both know that means that you’re also able to do the work that helps others. But putting yourself first and taking care and doing those needs, I think that’s very important.
It’s about purpose. What were you put here for? What do you feel like your essential quality is in this space? And this is your reason for being. So yeah, I don’t know. Like I said, all of this kind of comes into focus when you have experienced a lot of death, quite simply. And it just makes you reframe things in a … It has to be now. It has to be now. And it has to be what is important. And what you need is important. What you were put here for, what you feel like your purpose is, is absolutely important. And so follow that. There will be plenty of time for want and desire around that, but I think attend to what is needed first. If someone were to tell you that you have three days left, I promise you it’d shift your perception of immediacy and what needs to happen. It would clean the slate of all the bullshit things that take up your day. You would suddenly start spending your fucks wisely and you would care about a whole lot else other than the things that society tells you or the conditions that are placed on you by family and your work and whatever. You’d start cutting to the quick of these things.
Part of my story is that I had someone very dear to me pass away through suicide. And when you are touched by that, it’s something that is so prevalent now. Most people know someone who knows someone who has taken their life. And it’s still this tricky subject that we don’t want to touch on it. And the reason being is because I think it scares people how close it can be. And is it going to shift my paradigm too? Because it does. And I think that’s the thing for me in that. Because it shifted my paradigm in a, okay, I don’t actually need to be here every day. It’s a choice. So therefore when you have that double edged sword of you could be taken out by a London bus the second you walk out of this joint, or you could reach the point where you cannot go on and you could make that decision for yourself. It really does kind of reframe things in a what has to happen in the time that I’m here for? You can’t go onwards without questioning what am I here for. And in some ways it’s the gift that was granted to me by experiencing what I went through. I’m just trying to decide what needs to be said.
This is that thing I was talking about. I was saying on the train that there’s so much noise out there. Everyone has their social feed. Everyone has a following. Everyone has an audience to some degree or another. But the question of whether someone is listening or not is a different matter.